Thursday, May 29, 2008

prejudges

Britney


I was sitting next to my cousins, Sweet Home Alabama blasting in my ear drum, when I saw her. The bright blue matching outfit she wore made her look like she had just stepped off a tropical island. A pair of gold earrings dangled from her ear lobes, that could easily be bigger then my fist. I rolled my eyes in annoyance at her unfashionable attire. I thought that everyone should look their best where ever they go, even if they're in an airport waiting to go through security check.

Her light blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail, which drew your attention to her face. Her sky blue eyes matched her clothing, and popped out against her pale skin and soft features. She was standing casually in a group with what it seemed to be her family surrounding her. A crinkly old women stood adjacent to her, at what I guessed to be no taller then 4"6. I drew my eyes away from this girl, aggravated at myself for wasting some of my poorly allotted time with my cousins, on some girl who didn't have the tinniest impact on my life. Turning back to Peggy, I make the most of the few moments I had left with her, before my mom tugs at my arm and told me it was time to say good bye to my cousin. So I found myself face to face with a tiny blond girl, the exact image of me inside, but our only feature of similarity were the light freckles sun planted on our cheeks. She was the only person on earth who ever did, or would understand me fully and completely. Or so I thought



xxx


Emily


The moment her hazel eyes locked with mine, I knew she was the kind of girl I generally stayed away from. She had on designer clothing, and two designer bags. I didn't bother to see what brand she was sporting, they're all the same. They showed what kind of person you were: a copy. When you sported things like Abercrombie, or American eagle, you were what the company wants you to be. You walked around like everyone else, and talked like everyone else, and pretty soon you WERE everyone else. You'd loose all essence of yourself, and you'd become a poser. I've known too many girls that have slipped into the dark world of stereotypical, and let me tell you it is not a place I wanted to be.

One glance at this girl told me she's no different. There was no evidence, to help me draw a new conclusion, so I searched. I studied her layered dirty blond, more on the side of brunette, hair. I looked at her sharp nose, perfectly angled, and her skinny, athletic body. Nothing there to prove me wrong. The only place, I saw a hint of emotion, were her eyes. The hazel blurred into a soft brown at the edges, and near the pupil, there were speckles of gold embedded. Deep within, they held confusion. They held sadness. There was loss somewhere buried deep underneath this teenager, but it couldn't seem to claw it's way up. I watched as she turned back to the little blond girl sitting next to her, and I awoke from my daze.

xxx


Britney

A promised tear escaped my eyes, trickling slowly down my freckled cheek. Saying good bye was always the hardest part. It got tougher every time, and it always seems like I left a piece of myself with Peggy. Alabama was my second home. I always leave this alternate universe, that I could have if I ever said the word. I've pictured myself living in the south. My aunt and uncle would take me in. Every day, I could wake up to Peggy's face, and we could have the same debate we always have about what to serve for breakfast. I could smell the crisp sent of bacon wafting under my nose, when I visited Nana and Pawpaw.

But I always chose to get on the plane, and fly back to Virginia. So then, I put my both my Bradley bags on the conveyor belt, and swiped off my flip flops. People may have mistook me as preppy, but I knew better. I knew that both the bags were presents, and the only reason I wore clothing with a moose right above my chest. I didn't want to stand out. Some girls thrived on attention, but I liked to hide in the shadows of popularity. I didn't want to be different. I just wanted to be normal. Was that too much to ask?

xxx

Emily

I stood next to granny as our bags got checked.
"Only a few weeks," I reminded myself. Because I was the oldest, my parents were sending me to take care of my granny in Memphis, Tennessee. She had some heart problems, so I would help her with simply things around the house. Most teenagers would pitch a fit, about wasting they're summer helping an elderly women do her laundry, but I'm wasn't like most teenagers. I did what my parents said, with out a word in resistance. It's not acceptable to argue with your elders in my family. I packed for weeks, making sure not to miss anything, and then my mom drove me slowly, at least 10 miles under the speed limit.

I studied the prep once again. She was writing something in a journal with a swirly elaborate design on the front. Her expression was unfathomable. Wow, maybe I had misjudged her. Maybe she wasn't just some girl who wore American Eagle.

"Yeah Right," says a little nagging voice in the back of my head. "She's probably writing a list of close she wants to order off line, or boys she planning to invite to some big bash she's planing. There's no way that she could be different then the majority of the teenage population in the country. "Another one bites the dust" was the song I would have used to describe her. God what has the world come to?? Wasn't there a point were a person could stand out and be an individual? Couldn't one person be unique?

That would probably have been too much work for some one with her brain capacity.

xxx

Britney

waiting

the time slowly drags on

each tick of the clock brings pain

it fills the narrow creases of my body

my mind is set on one memory

your voice plays over like a broken record

your eyes,

your pale green, transfixing eyes


fill me with inspiration

and depression at the same moment

as the time drags on

-Brittney Miller


I read over my poem, content with the message it sent. I planned to post it on my blog as soon as I got home. No one thought to be concerned by my depressing writing, because I wrote it with forced fake smiles, mandatory to not draw too much attention. Everything different stands out, and I couldn't afford to be the depressed emo kid, who wears black and writes about death. So I was a secret closet depresse (if that's how you spelled it), who had a phony smile plastered to her face every morning. Pretty soon, I forgot that the smiles weren't real, and the only thing that brought me back was my writing. I floated through everyday life, not really present. It was like my body was going through everyday life, but my mind wasn't. That's the big reason that I agreed to go to Alabama with my mom. I needed to get away from the life that was killing me bit by bit.

My mom kept urging me to go to the bathroom before the flight started. So, I reluctantly tore myself away from my newly born work of depressing poetry, and walked to the closest women's rest room. The gross carpeted floor had a dark, disgusting stain near the entrance.
"Ugh," I thought to myself. "I don't want to know what that is."
When I finished well, going, I washed my hands with a pink foam soap that smelled like bubblegum. I strode back to the common area of gate 18, and sat wearily back down into the vulgar airport seat." Only a few more minutes," I remember thinking, "Then you'll be flying back to real life."

xxx

Emily

I knew it's time to board the plane when I heard the unambiguous words from above my head.

"All passengers who are riding fist class or who need extra time may board now."
I grab granny's arm and feebly murmur,

"That's us" in her ear. I pick up both our ragged duffel bags, and stagger back from all the weight. It was going to be a long few weeks. I looked over my shoulder, and stared enviously at the prep. She didn't have to carry the burden of another on her shoulders, or spend three weeks with her half deaf elderly granny. I still envy her today, but at the time, I had no idea what I should be jealous of.

By the time that train of thought was over, we had made our way to the plane, and to our leather blue seats. We were near the back of the plane, so I doubted I would see her again. She would probably be in luxury in the first class section, while I sweated it out back in the economy section. Then I could get my mind off her, and just focuses on the dreary time ahead. Now I wish more then anything that I would have tuned into the chatter of my verbose granny, instead of wasting my time on such a trivial subject. The prep was just another thing I wasted my time obsessing over. All my goals were unrealistic, and I obsessed over them until I met them, or until I failed and completely fell flat on my face.

This was just another frivolous thing that, in the long run, didn't really matter. She was just some random person, and she shouldn't have mattered to me at all. So why did it bug me so much?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Through

Through


she drifts away

slowly, bit by bit,

ever so slightly,

she gravitates

her presence is missing

and there's a hole in my day

where she used to be

part of me, left with her

tearing away, breaking free

the intensity has faded

into dull strangers

walking casually by in the hallway

late for something more important

our lives separate,

once united, now pulled apart

she'd had enough

and now I'm done lying

I'm through.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Smokey

smokey

slithering air

a black cloud of spirals

blazes like fire in your throat

engulfed

My Cinquain

your eyes

piercing through me

they burn holes like acid

the flesh is gone, and smoke surrounds

your eyes
Ok, so I'm going to try to write a happy poem again, but I don't know exactly what to write about.

So comment and suggest some happy things, and I'll try to write a happy poem.

Monday, May 19, 2008

perched in a smooth leather chair at the library,

eyes transfixed in the loses of artists.

Taking a break I come up for air

give my tiresome brain a chance to rest

I look up and my eyes peruse the shelves around me,

as my gaze falls onto a nearby computer.

there siting only a few steps away,

is him.

the one that everyone makes fun of,

the one everyone outcasts.

they him judge unfairly.

his life is in the back of the bus

sitting with empty seats as his only company.

Typing, an American Studies book laying on the table next to his screen

no evidence of an adult with him,

nothing but his homework and bus tokens in his pocket,

even him family doesn't want him.

Maybe we judge too harshly,

the sins he commits so frequently

perhaps they are only from a broken heart,

from being invisible for so long,

I wanted to reach out,

brake down the barrier

that life has built between us.

hold him and tell him it would be okay

but then I realized that it's an impossibility.

my dad broke my deep chain of thought

and told me it's time to leave.

I got up and strode towards the exit

with no glance over my shoulder,

as I left him unwillingly in the darkness and cruelty of the world,

all because I was too busy to care.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

empty

i stared at her;

her chestnut brown eyes meeting mine,

showing no guilt,

for the sins she had committed,

there was no apology in that glance,

nothing but two strangers with their eyes locked upon one another,

searching for meaning, and finding nothing

what had happened to my friend

who had stayed by my side through it all

and who was this girl listlessly returning my gaze?

the intensity that used to live between us, had faded

and now as I longed for my old companion

I saw nothing in those auburn eyes,

they were empty

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Ending

His hand slowly came out of his pocket to reveal a silver blade. He drew it out inch by inch, letting the metal shine in the gleaming yellow light of the moon. That knife reflected everything he’d been through, and instantly, I understood. I understood why he was crouched here, a few inches from my throat with that dagger. I understood why he had chased me so long, and how I was the resistance of the old life he had tried so hard to let go. Then I realized what I had to do.

I opened my clenched hand, and let my only weapon of defense, a pocket knife, fall to the dust covered ground. His eyes carried confusion, which soon blurred into determination. He had been waiting so long for this, for the heart ache to stop. In one swift motion he plunged the knife into my heart, and watched as the hole in his heart to got smaller and smaller. My last image before fading into darkness was that of his sweet smile. The one I had lived for for so long, and would now die in vain of.

Please note that this is the end of a story. A sad ending yes, but an ending none the less. I am not sure If I will write the beginning or not, so please comment me your thoughts.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

perfection

perfection

is simplicity

everything has beauty if you look deep enough

different people see different things

through one's eyes a flower could be precious,

but in anothers it could be something to run over with a bike

the sun's rising and setting guide some

while others shoot for the moon

i fall into your alluring eyes

as i see

my definition of perfection

Review of the notebook

The notebook is one of those instant classic movies that you watch over and over again, while eating massive amounts of ice cream, and crying your heart out with your girlfriends. It is one of the biggest chick flicks ever, and is based an amazing book. The book was written by a man, but despite what you would expect, it is compassionate, sensitive, and in my opinion, one of the best love stories of all time.

I have not read the book, yet, so I am not sure how the movie compares. But what I do know, is that the movie illustrated the romance very well, and they choose to very strong actors for the leading rolls. I would recommend this movie to all who love romantic chick flicks, and will get into the story with alls it's twists and turns.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

passion

i hate you

every fiber of your body

ever waste of breath you take

the fire in yoru eyes is meant to torture me

and your existence makes me miserable.

everytime my eyes find yours

they burn from pure hatred

every time we accidentally touch

i get the shivers and immediately go wash away the impurity

you are a waste of space on this already crowed planet

and i hate you

but they say hate is a passion

so maybe

i really love you?