crimson whispers

the knife

lays there

mocking her; provoking her

beckoning her to come for just one more ride

one little cut won't hurt

her blood boils under her skin

as she longs to see the crimson red once more

to let it be the last thing in her memory of the cruel world

her impulse is to grab it, thrust it into her skin

to see the red burst out from where the shiny silver broke in,

but she has learned control

though she struggles with the urge to throw everything away

she has to be strong

and now is not the time to give in

so she simply leaves the knife to haunt another

suicidal victim.

How did I get here?

looking around in a confused blur
as blood dripped down her leg
broken glass lies everywhere
shattered from a windshield
but how had she gotten here?

when she looks up she saw a pale blue sky
and the top of a small hill
the fence broken from a heavy impact
pictures fall into place as she sees a shinny silver car door on the ground
and bits of metal scattered around with the leaves

the cool Autumn breeze blows through her hair
as she suddenly screams in shock
as she she realizes what just happened
she rushes to find the car

the new silver paint-almost completely scratched off
the car lay upside down cradled between two large rocks
her head started to spin as she remembered her driver
she had been the passenger in this tragic accident

she slowly made her way to the drivers window
only to find the car empty when she looked in
surprised and slightly confused
she searches around for her brother
she finds nothing but broken parts of his car
silence follows as she tries to decipher this mystery

she decides to go get help
so she trudges up the green hill
there before her is a deserted road with no one to help her
a piece of paper flitted about in the wind moving swiftly but smoothly
she catches it and sees that the ink is a crimson red
she focuses on the words and blocks out her pain for just enough time to read

it's you next

the cold truth

Blood trickled down her face in a slow oozing motion. He looked down to see a broken bottle in his hand, the tips a crimson red. His hand opened and the bottle dropped to the floor, shattering as it hit the cold linoleum. His face became disturbed and then went as white as a ghost. He backed away, hands shaking, turned and ran. He ran as if rabid dogs were chasing him, as if the world was about to end. As he ran things became clearer, memories came back, slowly rolling in his mind like a black and white movie.He ran untill his feet fell out from under him, and he dropped to his knees and held his head in his arms repeating, "What have I done, what have I done?"

A few hours later, the police came across two lifeless bodies on the cold linoleum floor.

gone forever

It was the moment I had been waiting for, for what seemed like an eternity. His usual graceful stride slipped into a dead sprint as soon as he saw me, and my awkward walk changed into a clumsy run, a lot of tripping and falling entailed. It had seemed like time was moving in slow motion as we made our way towards each other, and it seemed like I would die before I found his arms. Eventually, after what felt like forever, his warm arms were wrapped around me, and his embrace was the only thing I would ever need. Before I knew it, I was weeping. Tears were spilling from my eyes at a rapid pace and soaked his shirt through.

My soul mate stood before me; without him my life meant nothing. There would be no point in waking up, no point in floating through my life, without him by my side. He was the only thing that mattered; he was my air, without him I couldn't breathe. He was the light that guided me every day. He fought for not only his life, but for mine, too. For if he was to lose his battle to cancer, and perish from the perfect world of love we live in, there would be two funerals to plan. I could tell from his eyes that he was troubled, and any bad thing he had to say could have crushed me at any moment.



I was terrified of the question, but I knew it was inevitable to ask him. I looked into the distance and pretended to be searching for something. I had been so preoccupied with being in his arms once again, that I hadn't noticed we were swiftly moving towards the exit. I focused on the glowing red words, and asked casually,

"So what did the doctors say?"

His jaw clenched and his eyes froze as if they were sky blue ice. His voice was hard and cold,
"I don't want to talk about it. Let's not ruin this perfect moment."
It was clear that it was the end of the discussion, no questions asked, and a gnawing feeling inside told me that I knew the truth. But how long did we have? A Year? A month? Less?

There was an urgent tone in my voice.
" David! You tell me right now what the doctors told you!" I could be just as stubborn as him, and I would be.
Davids face softened into a loving smile.
"There's no use worrying about it. I'll be fine, as long as I have you."

Those were the last words I would ever hear him say.

The doctors said that the treatment he had had for his cancer, had caused a blood clot. He died within the hour that his head hit the ugly carpeted floor of the airport. He lost our battle, and now, I'm going down with him. I only hope that god will over look me taking my own life, and fly me to heaven besides my own personal angel. I'll know the first moment I see him, that I made the right choose. And now, with one trigger, we will both be gone forever.

Fool for Love

if only
words could express
the sea of feelings inside me,
I would whisper them in your ear,
in a sweet poetic voice.

I would stay by your side
from now until forever,
and an eternity of perfection
would be mine to cherish.

forever has no meaning
with out my other half:
you.
I need to wake up every morning
and let your beautiful face light up my day
no matter how gloomy the weather.

You would keep away all shadows
trying to swallow, engulf me.
You would be my protector,
and guide me through all darkness.

We are all blind in love,
and many of us oblivious
to the greatness
the one special person may hold.

Some people choose not to look
into their hearts,
not to see what they desire,
for they are afraid of taking risks.

Of course you will be the same,
because I have nothing to hold you
back from all you could have.
Of course you won't choose me,
what have I to give
except for a depressed girl just trying to fit in
and a heart full of love?

I am destined to let you down,
and you will walk away
as they all do,

so what's the use in love?

tired

Doesn't the girl
behind the fake smiles,
drowning in tears,
ever get tired?

Tired of being something,
someone,
she's not
and never wanted to be?

Isn't she sick
of doing what's expected
and going without a word
or a scream in resistance?

Doesn't she ever think
that she has a choice
that she doesn't have to be this happy stranger
staring at her in the mirror?

Isn't she ever just fed up
with this world around her,
and all of stereotypical people
who don't fight the influence of the crowd?

Doesn't she ever just
want to shriek
out to the world
who she truly is?

Why does she
remain so silent
no struggle and no riot
entailed?

Doesn't she ever
just want to parish this insane mask
of happiness that she's worn
all her life?

Isn't she just tired?

The answer is yes.

Yes I am.