just another suicide

she stares in the mirror
at what she has become
she stares at an empty face
full of no sympathy
caring about nothing but
the pain
self inflicted
no doubt
in her mind
but the day is almost through
and night must fall
once more
the end is drawing near,
and she can't even
remember
the beginning,
she can't remember
why
this chaos
started.
when she let
it go.
she can't remember
the first time
she saw
her choices slip away.
but now she knows,
there's only one way left
one door to open
or would close be more like it?
there was only one way out.
one that would hurt no one
but this monster
she had created
she would leave in the pain
of her world
that never wanted her.
no one cared
not now,
not earlier
not at the beginning
so not at the end
one cut
could end it all
she had already been dead
for so long
there was nothing left to kill
but this body that remained
stationary
in her life
no matter how hard she tried
to move
to change
it didn't matter
once you go there
you can't go back
she was always fighting
fighting against a current
moving the opposite way
soon she would have to drown
she couldn't tread forever
she was tired
of floating endlessly
of trying
to not let go
fighting against
the urge
to give in
to end the nothing
that she was
she longed
to say one last good bye
to her best friend
the rusty knife that was
plastered in her hand
always going far
but never far enough
it always pulled away
one second to soon
and she would lay their
withering in the pain
she no doubt deserved
everything had fallen apart
and she was in no state to
put it back together
so she grabs her knife
and
gives in to impulse,
she jabs it into her arm
and smiles
she welcomes the pain
the only thing she can now control
as she slips into unconsciousness,
she sees her fathers unforgiving face
a look of disgust painted there
and
the beginning
is now
the end